If I Could Be Neurotypical

There's this thing going around in neurodiverse communities where people say, "I wouldn't change anything about myself because then I wouldn't be me." I have a bit of a problem with that. Considering all the heartache and struggles I've been through, and what my parents had to deal with because of it, I'd definitely want to change some things.

Reflecting on Life with ACC

You know, I often find myself daydreaming about how different my life might have been if I hadn’t been born with ACC. It’s one of those thoughts that just pops into my head from time to time. I mean, I think about my family and how our dynamics might have shifted. Would my relationships with them have been easier? Would we have shared more experiences without the challenges that come with ACC?

Schooling and Education

Then there’s school. I can’t help but wonder how my educational journey would have looked if I were neurotypical. Would I have found it easier to make friends? Would I have enjoyed group projects without feeling overwhelmed? Sometimes, I think about the subjects I struggled with and how they might have felt like a breeze without the extra hurdles, especially math. It’s a bit of a mixed bag, really—on one hand, I’ve learned a lot about myself, but on the other, it’s hard not to feel a little jealous of the “normal” experience.

Connecting with the World

And let’s talk about how I relate to the world. I often wonder if I would have approached social situations differently. Would I have felt more at ease in crowded places? Would I have been able to read social cues without second-guessing myself? I think about how my perspective might shift if I didn’t have to navigate the complexities that come with ACC.

Employment Dreams

When it comes to employment, the thoughts keep swirling. I can’t help but imagine what my career path might have looked like. Would I have pursued a different field? I always wanted to be a paramedic, I got my EMS certification but couldn't work a regular job. Would I have felt more confident in job interviews or networking events? The idea of being neurotypical sometimes feels like a golden ticket to a smoother ride in the professional world.

Wishing for a Different Path

So, yeah, I do find myself wishing I were born neurotypical at times. It’s not that I don’t appreciate the unique experiences ACC has given me; it’s just that sometimes, the grass seems greener on the other side. Life would have been different, and while I can’t change the past, I can certainly reflect on it and think about what might have been.

I Don't Hate Myself

Some people in the neurodiverse community think I don't like myself, but that's not true. Would I change things if I could? For sure! But these are the cards I've been dealt, being born with Agenesis of the Corpus Callosum. I just try to make the most out of each day. Instead of looking backwards I try to look forwards every day; how I can learn, how can I adapt to life as a neurodivergent person.

What really bugs me about saying I wouldn't want to change myself is the whole "autism/neurodivergence is a superpower" thing. This usually comes from high-functioning folks who have internalized ableism. By overlooking the struggles that come with being labeled high-functioning, they end up ignoring those issues in themselves and others.

Feeling Invisible in My Struggles

 You know, one of the toughest things about my ACC is that people often don't see the struggles I face on a daily basis. It's like I'm walking around with this invisible backpack full of rocks, and everyone else is just blissfully unaware of how heavy it is. If people could just be more understanding, put themselves in my shoes for a day they'd get who I am and life would be a little easier.