Teens In Our Twenties

Journey to Self-Discovery:

Navigating Adulthood and Personal Responsibility

Maturity didn’t come easy for me. When I turned 18, I got kicked out of the house, but honestly, I wasn’t ready to take care of myself at all. There’s this saying about DCCs that you should “expect their teens in their twenties.” For me, it was more like my thirties, but whatever…

My parents even gave me a big chunk of cash to help me 'settle down, get a job, and face the 'real' world.' At the time, I barely understood what money was worth. So, what did I do? I took that money and traveled to India. It was probably the dumbest yet most amazing thing I’ve ever done.

It’s not like my parents didn’t care; they really did. They just had no idea what I was going

through. Looking back, I realize I wouldn’t have just handed me a big pile of cash without any rules around it.

My first job didn’t even last a month. I was a busboy, and all I could think about was when I’d finally get some time to myself. (whatever that was.) Plus, I was at Farrell's Ice Cream Parlor, which was just way too stimulating to me. Every time there was a birthday, they’d bring out this huge ice cream dish on a stretcher with horns and bells. I couldn’t help but think, "Is this what being an adult is really like? I don't want this."

My Attempt at Vocational Education

My folks had really high hopes for me, and honestly, I just couldn't figure out how to meet them. But you know what? I was super proud of completing the County's EMS training. It

was two days a week on the weekends for four hours, which was just enough to keep my attention. I ended up graduating at the top of my class and landed a job right away. But man, the fast pace of the job and the trauma of being a first responder was way too stimulating and confusing to me.

It definitely didn't help that I got into drugs back then. Looking back, considering what I know about my brain now, it's kind of a miracle I'm still here. My brother got me into weed when I was just 14, so moving on to other stuff felt pretty natural. I can't help but wonder how all this messed with my growing brain.

But Who is Going to Take Care of Me

I had all this pressure weighing me down, but all I could think about was, "Who's gonna look out for me?" I really didn't get the whole idea of personal responsibility or that I was supposed to take care of myself. I think I was in my late thirties, having gone through the school of hard knocks as my dad put it that I began to understand there was no one to take care of me but myself. I crashed at the place of a church friend's family for about six months, but I eventually overstayed my welcome. After that, I started a long run of couch surfing that lasted for decades.

My family had this strict idea of the 'Protestant Work Ethic' I was basically, 'you have no problems that hard work can't fix.' I certainly can't blame them they were a product of their times.

Lashing Out

I just didn’t get that I was the issue (well, my ACC and my immaturity were definitely part

of it). I took out all my anger and frustration on my poor parents, and they started to pull away from me. I can’t really blame them, but I wish they had known what I was going through. That might have helped both of us understand why I acted the way I did. I didn’t really connect with my family for decades, and now it’s been over 30 years since I last talked to them. (They’ve since passed away.) My only wish is that they could’ve learned about my ACC and figured things out like I’ve been able to do now.

That Old Time Religion

Over the years, I've explored all kinds of faiths trying to find "the answer" (which was my ACC, ADHD and ASD). My parents weren't exactly thrilled about it. They wanted me to stick to being a good Episcopalian, settle down, "get a job," and just blend in with the family. But I just couldn't do that. Honestly, this journey has made me a better person and I'm glad that I never gave up on the search to better myself. They only difference is now that I have my diagnoses I know that I am not broken, but different.

Reflecting on My Journey

Thinking about where I’m at now, it’s been a tough road filled with pain, but it’s really shaped who I am today. I still deal with a lot of hurt and self-blame, and I’m trying to let that go a little more each day. I'm pretty sure I can help others out by sharing what I know about DCCs and neurodiversity. I want to make things a little easier for the next generation. I've learned a ton and not only made it through, but I'm actually thriving now. All my experiences have really helped me grow into a better person.