The Evolution of Masking and Unmasking

What is masking and how does it develop in neurodiverse people? Masking is when someone, either knowingly or unknowingly, hides their natural behaviors and traits to fit into the neurotypical environment.

When I first found out I was neurodivergent (got diagnosed with ADHD as a kid), I was told that my differences made me stand out. Never mind that I had ACC and didn't realize it. I just knew something was off (or different) about me, and the children around me could see it and reacted to it. This showed me early on how to hide those differences, or at least try, so I could blend in with everyone else. But the more I tried the more obvious I was to others.

Getting the Hang of Masking

So, by the time I was high school age, I had really figured out the whole masking thing; of putting on a show so people don’t see the real you. I had it down to a science. I learned how to act, talk, and even walk in a way that fit in with the crowd. It was like I had my own little scripts to follow, things to say and do; and it was exhausting.

The Closed Classroom Experience

I had now been put in a closed classroom environment. It was a bubble, and in there, I could let my guard down because there were other kids like myself. I could be myself without worrying too much about what everyone else thought. The trouble was that I would let down that mask during school but put it up outside school. I had to do this because my parents were never very accepting of my differences and I would just get physical punishment at home were I to let the mask slip.

In Adulthood

No longer was masking a thing I did consciously but a way of life. The problem is, the more I hid who I really was, the worse my anxiety and depression got. And yet, I never put 2+2 together, never realized how masking affected me as a human being. Sometimes overwhelmed the mask would slip in public and I would have a complete meltdown. I lost jobs and friends because of this.

Diagnoses and Beyond

After finding out I had ACC and later ASD, I started to understand what masking is and how it can really mess with your spirit. I've realized I need to be flexible about when it's necessary to mask and when I can just be myself. In general it's not a good thing.

Swiss psychiatrist Carl Jung called masking in neurotypical people taking on a persona. The word "persona" comes from Latin, originally referring to the theatrical masks worn by actors in antiquity to represent specific roles or characters. Carl Jung used this term to talk about the way people show themselves to the world, balancing their inner thoughts and society's expectations. Neurodivergent masking is different. We end up suppressing our true self, and take on the persona of something or someone we aren't and get lost in it. Every day of my life now, I look for my genuine self especially when I'm in a social situation. I am at the point in life where I don't give a rats petootie (I think that's a word lol) what people think. This rubs some people the wrong way, but the price to pay for masking comes at too high of a cost.