Theory of Mind In Neurodivergence

What is Theory of Mind

Theory of mind (TOM) is all about understanding that people have their own thoughts and feelings. It's the ability to figure out what someone else might be thinking or feeling, (coined as mind reading) knowing that their perspective is different from yours.

Many people think that TOM is missing in some neurodiverse folks, but I believe it naturally exists on a spectrum in all of us.

I believe you can develop TOM, and I've noticed it in my own life. Through my meditation practice, which focuses on mindfulness, I've found that my TOM is sharper now than it was years ago. I'm better at understanding other people, even though I still find it challenging sometimes. But it's definitely gotten a lot better.

In 1985, there was a study that came out saying autistic kids have a tough time with Theory of Mind. They only looked at 20 autistic children, but this research had a big impact on how professionals and people everywhere thought about autism for a long time.

Folks started forming ideas based on how neurotypical people interacted with autistic individuals. Time after time, neurotypicals would interact with autistic people and decide from these interactions that autistic individuals had trouble with Theory of Mind. Honestly, I don't think putting neurodivergent people in a plain white room with a researcher staring at them is really the best way to understand us.

Empathy

The concept of empathy is pretty closely linked to Theory of Mind (TOM). Since the usual way that neurotypical people communicate and empathize is seen as the standard or

"right" way, most folks consider it "normal." This often leads to people seeing our unique and unexpected ways of communicating and empathizing as "different" or "wrong."

If anything I find that I drown in empathy, I feel things very deeply, but it is the expression or the response to that empathy that I 'get wrong.'

Understanding Neurodiversity

You know, it really seems like a lot of the research out there has been done through a neurotypical lens, which can be super limiting. It’s like they’re just looking at things from one angle and totally missing how we, as neurodivergent individuals, experience and engage with the world around us. Instead of taking the time to understand our unique perspectives, they often just slap on a label like 'abnormal' and call it a day. It’s frustrating because there’s so much richness in our experiences that gets overlooked, and it feels like there's a whole side of the story that’s just waiting to be told!