Late Diagnosis Relief and Grief

Finding Clarity in Diagnosis

I've touched on this a bit before, but now I really want to dive in. Getting diagnosed with ACC at 46 was honestly a huge relief for me; it felt like someone finally handed me the missing piece of a puzzle that I had been struggling with for years. It was like, "Aha! This is why I’ve felt so out of sync with everyone else!" All those years of confusion and

uncertainty just melted away as I started to connect the dots. I had spent so much time feeling ashamed and blaming myself for being different, like I was some kind of 'broken' version of everyone else. That mindset really took a toll on my self-esteem and overall happiness. It was exhausting! But then came the tough job of changing those ingrained thoughts and habits. It wasn’t easy, and it felt like I was climbing a mountain at times, but I knew I had to start reframing my perspective. I began to realize that being different isn’t a curse—it’s just part of who I am. Slowly but surely, I started to embrace my uniqueness instead of shying away from it.

Years in Therapy vs a Year in Therapy

I spent years in therapy with a host of misdiagnoses, never getting anywhere because I didn't know the source of my issues. I was diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder, bipolar disorder, OCD, and a few more. Working with the head of the Kaiser psychiatric department, I was able to dispose of all of those. It turns out that I had ADHD, ASD, ACC, CPTSD, and an anxiety disorder. That looks like a lot of letters, but working with her, I finally had a better understanding of who I was and how I was different from other people—not less than them.

Honestly, it felt like I was on a never-ending rollercoaster of confusion and frustration.

Each time I went to therapy, I would sit there, pouring out my heart, only to be handed another label that didn’t quite fit. I mean, schizoaffective disorder? That sounded so intense and scary! It was like I was trying to solve a puzzle with pieces that didn’t even belong in the box. But then, when I started working with the head of the Kaiser psychiatric department, everything began to shift. She took the time to really listen and understand my experiences, and together we peeled back the layers of those confusing diagnoses. With her help, I discovered that I actually had ADHD, ASD, ACC, CPTSD, and anxiety. Sure, it’s a mouthful, but it finally made sense! Instead of feeling like I was broken or less than others, I learned that my brain just works differently. It was a huge relief to realize that I wasn’t alone in my struggles and that my differences were just part of who I am—not something to be ashamed of.

Grief and Bitterness

Then came the process of dealing with my grief and bitterness after finding out my diagnoses as an older adult. It hit me hard, you know? I spent so many years just going through the motions, feeling like I was stuck in a rut and never really living up to my potential. It was like I was watching my life unfold from the sidelines, and suddenly, this diagnosis threw everything into sharp relief. I couldn't help but think about all the things I could have done differently, all the opportunities I missed because I was too caught up in my own struggles. It felt like a heavy weight on my chest, the realization that I had wasted so much time. That mix of sadness and anger was overwhelming, and I found myself grappling with a lot of "what ifs" and "if onlys." It made me reflect on my past and question so many choices I had made along the way, and honestly, it was a tough pill to swallow.

Exploring My Journey

So, my therapist and I kicked off this new journey with the question, "This is where I'm at, where do I want to go?" Honestly, it was a bit of a game-changer for me. I mean, I was the kind of person who just floated through life, not really knowing what was coming next or what I even wanted. I didn't even believe I had the power to change anything. It felt like I was just reacting to whatever life threw at me, and that was pretty overwhelming. But diving into this idea of empowerment has been such a game changer! It’s like I finally got a map for my life instead of just wandering around in the dark. I’ve found that by acknowledging where I am and setting some goals for the future, I’ve been able to let go of a lot of that grief and anger that I carried for so long. It’s honestly been liberating, and I can feel the healing happening little by little every day; even today.

Never Too Old

My takeaway is that you are never too old, not until your last breath. Life is this wild journey, and there’s always something new to learn or discover, no matter what age you are. It’s never too late to change your entire perspective on life. Plus, let’s not forget about the power of forgiveness. Whether it’s forgiving someone else or letting go of grudges you’ve been holding onto, it’s something you can do at any age. Growth and change aren’t just for the young; they’re for everyone, and every day is a fresh start to become a better version of yourself. So, embrace the idea that you’re never too old to evolve and make the most of your days!